i'm so sick of this. barely just had a feel of my bed since coming back on monday im going up again tonight ): haizz cant wait for this shift to end, long break here i come ! ^^

omg it has been so long since i made a proper update on this blog ! lets see what has past ! oh my birthdayyy. which was like nov7 way long time ago. had dinner with the t7 people which has dwindled to our regular few, the rest of whom are either too busy with new lives or overseas. went to phuture with the judo guys after that. hehe best bunch of friends la seriously, they weren't lying when they said sec school friends would be the best and closest ! (: had the best night of our lives and i made a huge mistake ! HAHA inside joke >.< on the day itself celebrated with p ^^ thanks for all the pressies ! we watched love happens and freaking paranormal activity ! ^^ the day after was seoul garden lunch with god mommy and family ! (: thanks for the mealll ! hehe concluded my birthday with an upshift to the island :/ HAHA

other stuff that has happened.. hmm not much la. just been going through my daily routines lor and upshifts downshifts offdays upshifts work downshifts blah blah. its already been 6 months through my ns time and 1/4 through ! i cant waitttt to finish this off and get back my life ): even if it means schooling and studying everyday i dont mind ! its much better than praying my chinese new year doesnt get burn because of shifts. WHICH LUCKILY I DIDNT KENA WHEEWWWW THANK GODDD ! haha i can say, much as i have gotten used to this routined life, i still have not changed my attitude towards serving. i still hate it and have this grudging feeling in my heart everyday. i can only tahan all the way till i ord, dont expect me to tell you stuff like ns was a lifechanging experience and all that crap.

anyway yeah thats about all the stuff i have to update in my life lor. gonna play hard this weekend and get really drunk cos it will be my last weekend i can spend with friends. gonna be consecutive weekend shifts after that ): but good thing is once thats done im going to go on my super long leave from DECEMBER 11 - DECEMBER 27 !! plus bangkok during then ! WHOOOO come on days pass quickkkk (:

oh and doubt you would even read this but HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPONGE BOB ! MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE AND STAY YOUNG AND PRETTY ALWAYS ! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE 'SIXTEEN' HAHA i dont want to see you stress so much by work. i wished you could go back to being the old sponge and be happy again ! i want to hangout with you at starbucks and just talk rubbish till late into the night like last time ! i still want you my friend ):

 friday marked a closure to things when grandma was cremated. that was possibly the worst day of my life hands down. i have never felt so sad and down and wrecked. ): i can't believe i will never see her in person ever again, to hug her, to talk to her ): i hate this feeling now in my heart. one of soreness and of losing someone dear. it feels as if somethings missing and there really is someone missing. my dear grandma, i love you. i miss you ): i hope you are peaceful up there, please guide us from above. 

 and as it has been feared these past few days,
the signs were all there already,
plain for all to see.
she fought hard,
just to make sure she saw everyone one last time.
and then she went.
peacefully.

bye bye grandma, you'll always be in our hearts.

But I'm thinking of what sarah said,
that love is watching someone die.
So who's going to watch you die

 please get well soon.
you know you can get through this one like the other times.
seeing you all wired and drugged up makes me fear the worst. ):

 and today i finally decide to let go.
to forgive and forget.
things were much better when there weren't so much hate.
today was first contact after deciding to exile. 

 19 years of life experience has taught me... never to put too much faith and trust in someone, EVER. even the closest will turn back on their promises. seriously, thinking back i really cannot think of any who has never turned their back on me or broken any silly promises that were made. really. trust.. only yourself, no one else. harsh words befitting of life.

on a lighter note i dont seem to have anyone to talk to anymore ^^

 i sent you a mixtape filled with my love and all i got back was a decade of silence.
what was it they said about regret.

omg vomitted the whole of last night and couldnt get to sleep at all grr the feeling was so terrible la it felt like i was going to puke my intestines out haizz and then this morning i still had to drag my weakened self to base for ippt ughh. eventually went to see mo and got mc! hehe i still feel terrible now. like my stomach is doing flips and somersaults. >.< save me.. and i still have to go upshift later tonight. i wonder how thats going to be achieved ):

 
omg when was it last i typed something here man. my lifes been so busy with nothingness! pawais a bitch. im going to ord in 1 year 7 months. hahaha i have seen so many ord already and mines still so far away. how am i going to get through thisss! i just watched adventureland and im starting to like kristen stewart! i always thought she was super unpretty and really boring in twilight. but then i realised in adventure that thats her character and its pretty cool! she has this nondescript way of acting. awesome coolness shes my new idol-to-fanboy-over. ahaha oh i cant wait for dec, thanks to some careful planning i have managed to stretch my 10 days leave to clear most of dec so i'll be free almost the whole month! ^^ thats what i do when im free in office, plan my leaves hahah other than that, nothing much. something unfortunate happened, all i can say is life is really unpredictable, im really going to have to learn and cherish what i have now. its so distraughting to see such a thing happen ):

 and so we all play ignorance. hoping that the pain would just go away. go away pain, its better this way. short term hurt > long term agony and waiting. bye.

i am so so so SO EXCITEDDD! hehe i cant wait cos im going to get my mcbkpro + ipodtouch as early as next monday!! thats what the delivery date stated! hehehe but then im super sad cos i wont be around when it delivers.. yes i'll be on shift ): im going to rip all the packaging apart when i get back! hohoho and also im finally going to get my iphone by end of this year latest! so excited i have been trying to decide between the white or the black one. hmm. just thinking of it i'll be a fully converted apple when this whirlwind ends! hahaa

( MY OFF DAY!! )
 

i dont mind showering un-reciprocated care and love on you;
i dont mind always being there for you with nothing in return;
i dont mind being your safe harbour, your guiding light;
just as long as you always remain happy and cheerful.
 

okayy this past week has been a steep learning curve for me adapting to sfs. learning all the practises and everything. yeah basically my vocation is stay out meaning 8-5 everyday when i'm not on shift. however when im on shift i'll be staying in on an island used for aircraft live-firing. and shifts are like mon-thurs or thurs-mon =/ yeah i know right. well at least i get off for doing shifts. anyway today i'll be going for my first shift! and its a weekend one UGHHH hopefully shifts would turn out to be fun to do so i wont suffer for the remaining 1 year 9 months. i heard alot of sleeping would be done on that island! ^^ hehe kbye back in singapore on monday ARGHHHH *btw spongebob if you ever read my blog at all, i just want you to know that im here and i do listen okay so dont be mad and spewing vulgarities! ^^*
 

oh yay i passed out from my signals course in stagmont just last friday and have been posted to tengah air base for the remaining 1 year 9 months of my ns. i THINK its stayout so yeah hopefully so! ^^ nothing else really to update on my boring mundane life ): hahaha feel myself becoming moodier and moodier with every passing day and have no idea why. i have become from cheerful max to irritable max ): need to find someone to brighten me up, hehehehe ^^ OH AND HOORAH, have carefully calculated here and there and if all goes well im going to get a macbook pro and then an iphone! yay me, the new apple crazy

yay even though im not happy happy, at least things are looking up for everyone around me! now all i have to do is be anti social and live in my own peaceful world. and we can all laugh indoors. (: now how the hell am i supposed to be present at some tea party cafe thing tml at TWELVE when i have no clue where it is and will most probably wake up at one.

omg i cant believe i had a dream about you! and in that dream i was so happy cos i thought it was real. and it literally felt so real like i was HAPPY. waking up has never sucked so bad before. haiz this all sounds so stalkerish. lol anyways updates... nothing much. my vocation sucks, i would probably have to stay in camp and not get to go home for the next 1 year 10 months. my only free time would be weekends which would be used sleeping. thus my life is socially screwed. and zomg im still so stucked on my education! having a big dilemna where to go with the nus computing (which is 1. not at all one of my top few choices & 2. so boring!) or go private uni. but then... mommys just lost her job and finances are tight ): i think i ought to not be selfish and go for the nus cos its subsidised right? (correct me if you read and know) but i dont want to spend 3/4 years dieing in a stupid course! but then i really need to get a good degree and get a good job. but then i dont want to be a socially non existent computer nerddd. and and i hear my friends talking about taking driving tests and all and thats really whet up my driving appetite. but the costs are so huge and i cant possibly ask mommy and daddy for help in a situation like this.. ugh financial crisis sucks x21342 sigh why does my journal sound like that of a 12 year old kid, i want to sound grown up and matured!! wahh not fair!

( HONGKONGKONGKONG )
 

and so i wanted to update everyone on how i spent my block leave holiday which was mostly overseas like bintan with family and hongkong with friends. but thinking about it sucks and makes me not feel like updating anymore. dont know if its a blessing or a curse that you eventually decided to turn up. but those 4 days have thrown me back into the hole i spent all these while getting out of. truth is, i never did forget you and it was just denial on my part. now i'm torn between forgetting you all over again or just going all out. it sucks to think that would probably be the last time i get to see you again when everyone has gone their own roads. ugh if only you knew how i felt :/

maybe forever wasn't meant to be for us.